The media (TV, films and magazines) seems to publicise a good-looking, fit, rich, confident player who is going out with a different woman every night is what every woman wants for an LTR.

They never seem to publicise that a nice smile is more attractive than a model, or that someone who doesn't date a lot because he doesn't want to sleep around is better than a player.

So the farther you are away from being a player, the less confident the man is that women will genuinely like him and the less likely he is to try.

The phenomenon of the player being publicised as the ideal man is the same for men as the phenomenon of a size-zero figure is as the ideal woman.

Most men I know profess that they don't want a beanpole, just someone who is doesn't take up 2 seats on an airplane, and there are men who like larger women too.

In women, this produces bulimia, anorexia, yo-yo dieting and constant insecurity about how you look.

In men, this produces obsession with money often leading to serious crime and prison, obsession with the gym and muscles often leading to steroid abuse, obsession to date only very attractive young girls as that is what players are seen to do, obsession with sex as players have sex and not relationships, and a general feeling of insecurity with any woman you genuinely like because you don't want to play her but treat her right.

In short, the only reason that there are so many jerks out there is all the films and magazines are telling us men that what you want is a player, and a player is by definition the worst kind of jerk. He is a guy who is only interested in bagging the ladies that every man wants and who doesn't want him, just to prove that he can, and to never stay after he has got what he is supposed to want, namely the conquest. It's a way of saying that the most attractive man is the guy with the most power: the guy who can have any woman whenever he wants, and can ditch whenever he wants. That's not power, that's someone with a serious superiority complex.

But that is what we are being told you women want, and you women watch these films and magazines, and you talk and act and chase these guys.

Looking at your profile, I seriously doubt that in your hometown that people take a lot of notice of people like Brad Pitt. Either that, or the men there are not being given the impression that it is an impossible ideal.

Most African guys I've met seem to think that they are capable of being very attractive to a woman.

Most Western guys are told that it's really hard work to impress a woman.

So if you want to do something about it, start by letting the world know that men are getting pounded by the media just as much as women, just in a different way, that's all.

And the next time you meet a man you're interested in, say something like "I never understand these Hollywood films.I find someone with a gorgeous smile and an OK body much sexier than a guy with a fit body, who looks miserable. Who would you prefer? A girl with a nice figure who's fun or a stick who doesn't eat in front of you, unless she's throwing up afterwards in the bathroom?"

I guarantee that no man wants to go to dinner with a woman who eats almost nothing. It makes him feel like a pig. And he definitely doesn't want to pay for a meal out of his hard-earned cash only for it to end up in the toilet 5 minutes later.

So he'll agree with you. And if he agrees with you about the girl, he'll agree with you that the guy with the nice smile is the more attractive guy, whether he realises it or not.

And if he thinks that that the guy with the nice smile is the more attractive guy, and he thinks you think so too, he'll think you are genuinely attracted to him, and not just for his money.

He'll keep talking to you, and in less than 2 minutes, he'll be asking you for your number.

If he doesn't have a nice smile, pick something about him that you like, like his eyes, or anything that you can turn into a positive.

Well, that's what I think anyway.