Yep! That's guys for ya...but have hope, eventually they mature a LITTLE bit...lol. As for the guy you like, if he likes you too but fears you're "out of his league" or whatever, well then, GO GET HIM! I met my husband when I was 19, he was 21, and well, he never said anything until I finally let him know my feelings. And now we've been together almost 9 years! Is it nice to have a guy go for you, yes, of course...but come on, it's 2007 almost, if you know what you want, and it's available to you, go grab it!!! lol There's nothing wrong, in my opinion, with saying, "Hey, what's the deal? We like eachother, so let's stop playing games here and date already!" lol. Go get him, girl!

As for your friend's boyfriend, well, unfortunately she has to learn how to deal with that issue on her own. Nobody can tell her what to do. I know this from experience as well. In highschool, I dated a "scumbag" who was very obsessive and posessive, and basically the friends who I needed most to be there for me instead got pissed and left. LOVE IS BLIND. If she thinks she loves this guy, then all you can do is wait for the day when she finally opens her eyes and gets tired of him hanging alllll over her. But being her friend, I would try to be understanding of the situation, and offer her advice if she ASKS. She seems like she cares about you if she still calls you to hang out and stuff...however if she stops calling, and gets in too deep with this guy, then back off...let her do her thing, don't take it personal...she'll end up calling you months later after she finally ditches the guy, because most guys are just there for a while...while true friends are there forever! Good luck, I know it must be so hard and so irritating! Aaaah, the drama. Sometimes I miss those days...ha ha. Take care, best of luck! Now GO GET YOUR MAN!!!

oh please, whenever I hear "i don't deserve you", "your too good for me" etc, you know there is something else up

Yeh....this could be true...hmm...go to the library and look at the book "He's Just Not That Into You"...see if there's anything in there about "I don't deserve you" or "You're too good for me"...maybe that will help determine...lol I don't know, either way, find yourself a good man and don't settle until you do.

They sure can be.

Oh, I own "He's Just Not That Into You", but the problem is every time we try to get together, he does something to where we can't...if we're supposed to meet somewhere, he doesn't show up, he didn't pick me up like he said he was supposed to...he wasn't at home when he invited me over to his house...that's why it's irritating...it's like he doesn't even try.

Well, if it seems like he's blowing you off, then I would definitely forget it and move on. It shouldn't take THAT much work to make, or keep for that matter, a date. Especially if it keeps happening over and over again, you know? So be selfish. Take care of yourself. If you are not worth his time, then HE is not worth YOUR time. Leave it at that. And if down the road he decides to grow up and stop playing silly games, then see what happens...but as for now, get out there and date some guys who actually DO know how to keep a date! Have fun, enjoy being young...date...whatever you do, don't EVER settle for less than what you deserve...and by that I mean, at LEAST someone who doesn't waste your time...someone who doesn't just SAY they care, but also ACTS like they care about you. Best of luck to you darlin', I'm sorry this is so frustrating to you...guys suck sometimes. Take care! Let us know if anything else comes up, ok? This site is great for a shoulder to lean on.

Jaime

Heads up for all you women / single ladies out there: ALL, and I mean ALL MEN ARE NERVOUS AROUND A GIRL THEY GENUINELY LIKE.

Even the most cold-hearted player feels like this.

IF A MAN IS EASY AND COMFORTABLE WITH YOU, YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT ENOUGH YET TO CARE ABOUT IF HE LOSES YOU! FACT!

10-to-1, this guy has been hurt in the past, and rejected, and thinks that once you get to know him, you'll reject him. It's probably been true before, so why not now?

If you really think this guy is worth a shot, pick up the phone and tell him so. BUT DON'T LET HIM THINK HE'S GOT YOU!

Give him a nice easy thing for us men to understand, like a deadline.

This is what I think you should do:

Call him.
1) Tell him that you think he's really fun/sexy/nice/interesting, use your own adjectives.
2) Tell him that you're interested in getting to know him better on a date. Tell him when and where.
3) Then ask him if that time and place is convenient for him. Let him suggest a more appropriate time and place for the both of you.
4) Demand that you 2 will meet up IN PERSON within a week.
5) Tell him that he's been LEADING YOU ON and you don't intend to put up with it.
6) If he really cares about you, he will at least give you the courtesy of a first date.
7) Tell him that he knows how horrible it is to be turned down - he knows, believe me! And that he's just a man-b*tch if he doesn't agree to a date - if only for an hour.
Tell him that you respect yourself and if he respects you, he will treat you with the due care and attention YOU DESERVE, AND WILL DATE YOU WITHIN A WEEK!
9) FIX A DATE BEFORE THE CONVERSATION ENDS!
10) FORCE HIM TO CONFIRM THAT DATE BEFORE YOU END THE CALL.
11) Then, once you have the date confirmed, end the call. Do not talk any more, or he will start getting confused.

On the date:
1) Dress smart, but casual. Remember it's a first date. This guy is so obviously keen on you, it's funny. So try NOT to blow him away! Just be comfortable and LET HIM GET TO KNOW YOU. Talk about yourself and what you want from him and what you will/will not let him get away with in a relationship. DON'T MENTION AN EX-BOYFRIEND. EVER! He obviously thinks he is so unlike the type of guy you like, that he thinks you would never be truly interested in him.

2) Have fun. Don't make it too heavy for him. He's unsure too.

3) Ask him why you're too good for him. Don't let him get away with avoiding the answer. If he really was too good for you, like he's an armed robber or something, you really think he'd tell you he's too good for you? He'll tell you something that will surprise you, and is the sort of thing that if most women knew that about a guy, he would never get a first date, but is the sort of thing that if a woman found out about AFTER she had been dating him for a month, would not spend a second thinking about. So, mentally prepare yourself for this before the date and when he tells you his problem, whatever it is, don't just react. Think: if you had been seeing a guy for a while, and THEN he told you that, what would you think of him THEN, NOT NOW! Then react according to your new way of thinking. Ask him to explain his problem in detail. Reassure him physically, by taking his hand, or moving an inch closer to his face. Don't let him stop talking until he's talked it out, and if you don't understand anything, try to rephrase it in your own words and let him correct you. It's a very good negotiation technique for getting to the truth of a confusing situation quickly.

4) Once you have fully understood his problem and ONLY ONCE YOU UNDERSTAND his perspective on the subject, tell him that he's selling himself and you short. You can deal with it, no problem. If he can't, you'll try to help him - you care about him too, after all, at least as a friend.

5) Whatever his issue is, if it's kept you apart for so long, it's not going to go away just like that. If may be he gets hurt easily because he takes people too literally, or it may be he lacks confidence in himself. Whatever it is, this issue manifests itself currently in other areas of his life and with other people, so you will need to regularly and gently push him to sort it out, so it doesn't stay a problem with other areas of your lives.

Then you will see this guy transform from an ugly duckling to a beautiful swan, just when you least expect it. And because you were the one to help him there, he will think of you as better than Angelina Jolie, and don't let him ever forget it. That way, he'll probably be keen as mustard for as long as you want him around. Which sounds like forever.

Case in point: I get very nervous and shy around all women, unless I think they are not at all interested in me. When I'm nervous, I act like the shyest, most nervous geek you've ever seen. When I relax, however - usually with a woman I believe would never fancy me in a million - the women seem to think I'm Buddy Love.

A month and a half ago, I went out and bumped into a good friend of mine. We got talking and there was a woman there who was considerably older than me. I thought she was interested in my friend, as they appeared to be similar ages, and he was looking particularly handsome that night. So I was just talking to her and being myself. He goes to get more drinks for me and him, and I'm left alone with her - albeit in a crowded bar. So we're just talking and she asks "Would you like to come and live with me?" I was gobsmacked, and politely refused. She then blamed it on the drink.

This sort of thing happens regularly to me, but only when I am with women who I truly believe could never be seriously interested in me for a long-term relationship, as that is the only time I am relaxed with women.

However, if I am with a woman who I believe could be interested in me, I get all nervous and tongue-tied and I usually blow it. I say precisely the wrong thing, or don't say the right thing.

One time I met a woman who I really fancied at my end-of-year University party. We were both waiting in different lines at the bar, and we got talking and we were getting on really, really well. My line got to the bar first and I ordered my drink and not hers. She then said "You blew it", twice. The ironic thing was that while I was still waiting in line, I was thinking "Should I ask her what drink she wants so that I can get a drink if I get served first, so that she doesn't have to wait in line any longer than necessary?" But I got nervous that she would see that as a come on and that she would think that I was only trying to sleep with her, and she would see that as a sign of desperation and immediately treat me like dirt. Instead, I brought it on myself.

I have done something similar many, many times.

I suspect he is the same.

Remember: "You're too good for me" = "You can get someone much more of a catch than I am , BY THE STANDARDS REPORTED IN THE MEDIA".

That means: he thinks you can get someone who is much fitter, or better-looking, or more confident, or richer, or more of a player, or more experienced, or taller, or something like that.

The media (TV, films and magazines) never seem to publicise that a nice smile is more attractive than a model, or that someone who doesn't date a lot because he doesn't want to sleep around is better than a player. The media seems to publicise a good-looking, fit, rich, confident player who is going out with a different woman every night is what every woman wants for an LTR. So the farther you are away from that, less confident the man is that women will genuinely like him and the less likely he is to try.

The phenomenon of the player being publicised as the ideal man is the same for men as the phenomenon of a size-zero figure is as the ideal woman.

Most men I know profess that they don't want a beanpole, just someone who is doesn't take up 2 seats on an airplane, and there are men who like larger women too.

In women, this produces bulimia, anorexia, yo-yo dieting and constant insecurity about how you look.

In men, this produces obsession with money often leading to serious crime and prison, obsession with the gym and muscles often leading to steroid abuse, obsession to date only very attractive young girls as that is what players are seen to do, obsession with sex as players have sex and not relationships, and a general feeling of insecurity with any woman you genuinely like because you don't want to play her but treat her right.

In short, the only reason that there are so many jerks out there is all the films and magazines are telling us men that what you want is a player, and a player is by definition the worst kind of jerk. He is a guy who is only interested in bagging the ladies that every man wants and who doesn't want him, just to prove that he can, and to never stay after he has got what he is supposed to want, namely the conquest. It's a way of saying that the most attractive man is the guy with the most power: the guy who can have any woman whenever he wants, and can ditch whenever he wants. That's not power, that's someone with a serious superiority complex.

But that is what we are being told you women want, and you women watch these films and magazines, and you talk and act and chase these guys.

I'm not so much bitter, as confused. I am only now realising that the negative self-images given to me as a child by my surroundings and by society in general, caused me to believe and act as though no women wanted me, despite the fact that many women - in hindsight - were seriously into me. But I blew it because I believed the hype and the women I was around were willing to pretend they believed it too, even though in truth, they didn't want that kind of man at all.

I am trying very hard to change my own view of myself, so I start going out on dates, so I stop turning down the numerous offers that I seem to receive and so that if a woman asks me out who I do not want to date, I am comfortable enough with myself to politely explain in a very tactful way why I am not interested in her, so she doesn't get embarrassed. Up until now, I just said "no" to most women, unless I knew them very well and they were very persistent. This has now made me realise that I have hurt a lot of women, by getting them to like me and to ask me out, and then to reject them without giving them a reason that would allow them to retain their dignity and sanity.

So if I am to be a decent human being, I

act as confident as women perceive me to be.

So don't be too hard on him.
Today's world favours players.
He clearly doesn't want to play you. It sounds like you like him enough that he could have gone out with you, and said that you're too good with him after you 2 spent the night together. Not that you're a pushover, but if he managed to convince you he's so wonderful and he was playing you, then you had already been convinced of a lie before the first date. So the fact he never asked you out is proof enough in my mind that he's not out for sex, at least not with you.

There are 5 options I can think of:
1) He doesn't date often, and believes that you'd never date him.
2) He dates women a lot less attractive than you, and believes that a woman like you would never date him.
3) He dates a lot, but casually, and believes that you'd never date him seriously.
4) He's gay, and trying to tell you to lay off, without hurting your feelings.
5) He's tied in a difficult situation and doesn't want you to get involved with a guy who already has problems.

Either way, you need to FORCE him into dating you, and then URGE him to tell you his problem. It may not be as bad as you or he thinks.

As to your best friend's boyfriend, it sounds like he is afraid to be alone and is acutely shy, but masked it in high school by always having a girlfriend or by being in the football team. Many people do this. They then always try to have a boyfriend/girlfriend so that they never have to be alone. Very often, they don't even like the person they're dating. It's just a way of avoiding their own loneliness and timidity. So you might as well tell her, that as soon as he has to face real life, he'll find someone new. Remember, forewarned is forearmed.

She doesn't need to listen to you now, or to hear I told you so later, bit it will really help her to realise that he won't ditch her in the future because she isn't wonderful, just because she was being used to avoid him being alone. Then, she'll need to hear that she could have always done better, and she better do, or she'll just find another one like him.

And next time, get her to let you check the bloke out before she takes him seriously. Remember, love is blind. That's why friends opinions are so important.

Also, I so totally agree with you about the whole him not getting to know you bit. Any time I've ever dated someone, or been interested in someone, I've always made it a point to get on with her friends, so her friends would say nice things about me to her. I've also made it a point to try and get on with my friends respective others, just to get on with my friends better. If he isn't even trying, approach him and question him about it. If he tries to avoid the question, he really doesn't care about her, and you might as well let your friend know that as well.

If she's a good friend, she might not like what you say, but she'll stay your friend.